So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.” Genesis 13:8-9
The Bible speaks of discernment of people to help with our peace and contentment. If, for some reason, you have attempted many times to repair relationships with family/mates and it doesn’t seem like your attempts are acknowledged or met with positivity, you could be in a toxic relationship. These types of relationships usually include a history of emotional, verbal, physical abuse or neglect.
How to know who brings toxicity in your life?
We know who they are. They have never had anything but bad words to say about us. They have never given to us but simply take. In some situations, they are supposed to be the parent/sibling/mate/friend but they end up being the we feel responsible for. They never speak to us unless they want money. If you can’t build a relationship with your family because they bring us down, drain us of energy and other resources, constantly criticize us rather than support us, good to be aware that whatever we try may not work and they may not be able to be positive forces in your life. If that is the case, it might be time to realize that and contain their influence on our lives. We can help them as much as you can but we cant let them overtake our lives. We cannot save them if they don’t want to be saved. If they are severely toxic, we may have to keep a healthy distance from them.
These are 5 signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
1. It seems like you can’t do anything right.
The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. They mock your personality, and you feel ashamed most of the time. You only feel pardoned when you take on the traits of the person doing the condemning or judging.
2. Everything is about them and never about you.
You have feelings, too, but the other person won’t hear them. You’re unable to have a two-sided conversation where your opinion is heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they battle with you until they get the last word.
3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person.
Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though they are always raising gripes about you. Their attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness.
4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around that person.
You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family.
5. You’re not allowed to grow and change.
Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments insisting that you will never be any different than you are now.
If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself and pray about the relationship to see if it is doing more damage than good. Evaluate the relationship and what it’s worth to you. Is it hindering you from having peace?
FATHER GOD – THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING US THE GIFT OF DISCERNMENT WHEN DEALING WITH PARENTS/SIBLINGS/ MATES AND FRIENDS. HELP US TO BECOME STRONGER IN DISCERNMENT TO HELP US FIND THE PEACE AND CONTENTMENT YOU WANT TO GIVE TO US. HELP TO LEAVE “NO STONE LEFT UNTURNED” WHEN DEALING WITH THESE RELATIONSHIPS. HOWEVER, GUIDE US TO MAKE THE DECISION TO LIMIT THEIR INFLUENCE IN OUR LIVES IF IT DRAINS, BREAKS US DOWN. THANK YOU FOR YOUR AWESOME LOVE FOR US. AMEN.